I'm sure you have a local radio station that is now playing nothing but Christmas music and I'm certainly not going to hum-bug that. After all, if you don't like it, you can always change the channel. My problem is with one particular song that gets stuck on replay about four times an hour. It's a super band charity song called "Do They Know It's Christmas?" and it sucks. DTKIC has all the markings of a hastily written, sleazy, stupid "charity" song that could only come from a coke-fueled rock orgy. Seriously, read the Wiki on it!
Now, before I get hate email from all my fan (Hi, Honey!), I want to state that I am fully aware that it was made to raise money for the Ethiopian famine of the late 80's. I also want to state that I am not against charity, or feeding the world, or Christmas cheer. I understand that people need help, especially when they are starving to death. This all being said, the song still sucks. I give you Exhibit A: A snippet of song Lyrics from DTKIC:
But say a prayer, Pray for the other ones
At Christmastime
it's hard, but when you're having fun
There's a world
outside your window
And it's a world of
dread and fear
Where the only
water flowing
Is the bitter sting
of tears
And the Christmas
bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank
God it's them instead of you
And there won't be
snow in Africa this Christmastime
The greatest gift
they'll get this year is life
Where nothing ever
grows
No rain nor rivers
flow
Do they know it's
Christmastime at all?
Did you read that? That's right. Not only do they mention Ethiopians as The Other Ones, but they also make the fatal geographic mistake of counting Africa as one giant country. Also, they lord our mighty Western superiority over the Etheo...Ithio...Ethel.... The Other Ones by gently stirring the remainder of their apple-tinis and tisk-tisking, "Thank God it's them instead of you."
What dicks.
Okay, I'll play along. So this giant African country is a desolate wasteland with no rivers or rain and are so poor that they can't even afford a calendar to see what time of year it is. Let's take a look.
 |
| What a hellhole. |
What is that? Oh, that's just Lake Victoria, the eighth largest continental lake in the world. It's just part of Kenya and Uganda. Well, it's not like it's the Nile or anything (note to dummies: The Nile is also in Africa).
 |
| Sun...burning...can't...find...shade...anywhere... |
Let's just cut our way around the thick forestation of Central Africa, home to tropical vegetation and numerous forms of life. Oh, here we are. African people. Since all of Africa is the same bitter existence, we should start weeping now over the injustice of the...
 |
| The horror. |
Huh. How about that.
So listen, DTKIC. Raise all the money you want for aid to Ethiopia. Just do it in a way that doesn't embarrass yourself and, by extension, everyone who might like at least one person on singing on your album. Also, please stop bribing/blackmailing radio to play this stupid song four times an hour. It gets more play than that Drummer Boy song, which has 36 different versions that all get played back-to-back around this time of year.
Yet, sitting here scrooging away at the Worst Christmas Song Ever, I realized what I now must do. I must not run from my Christmas Demons. I must embrace.
THE CHALLENGE:
Live the Holiday Spirit and pursue an agenda of Christmas cheer from now until the New Year.
RULES:
1. Listen to 100.3 WNIC, Detroit's Christmas Station, as much as possible from now until 12 AM December 26th.
2. Think of something "Christmasy" to do every day from now until 12 AM December 26th.
3. Think of something "New Yearsy" to do every day from December 26th - January 1st, 2012 12:01 AM
START DATE: Monday, December 19th, 2011
END DATE: Sunday, January 1st, 2012 12:01 AM
I've already changed all the radio presets in my car to WNIC. Oh what fun it will be to ride!
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