CHALLANGE UPDATE: Day 26

Before?

After?

I didn't do this to get healthy, but I would be remiss if I didn't address the health affects of this challenge.

The gold standard of health is always weight. Unfortunately, I haven't been weighing myself. However, I have been looking at myself in the mirror and thus have some scientific data to use.

Conclusion: No real change. I might have gained weight, but it's impossible to tell because I'm so beautiful. I can't stop getting caught in my gaze.

As for actually BEING healthier, I don't know if that is the case, either. As you might have gathered from previous posts, there are plenty of foods that are still bad for you but don't have HFCS. My goal was to eat like I normally eat but avoid that one ingredient, so I didn't completely commit to the whole "health" thing.

One thing I did notice is that I felt the need to take in... sugar. I don't know if this is related, but I always want some kind of candy. I made a chart of candy craving over time:

Maybe it is to replace all the sugar I am used to consuming. Maybe it's because Halloween is this week. Maybe it's because I have a lot of Skittles in the house. There could be a number of factors.

One positive outcome I have noticed is that I've also spent a lot of time looking at labels. I'm more aware of what goes in to my body. In addition to that knowledge, I am also forced to make the hard choice all the time. Instead of just ordering whatever out of laziness or throwing something in the microwave to save time, I have become accustomed to think more about what I have to do to get fed. The easy meal is usually something I can't eat, so I have to make the hard choice of (GASP) making something (or ordering from a place that makes everything in-house).

I don't know if any of this is making me a healthier person, but it is at least making me think more about what eating healthy really is. It is less about avoiding one "magic bullet" and more about being conscious about the whole operation of eating.  

CHALLENGE UPDATE: Day 23

I've managed to go 23 days without High Fructose Corn Syrup. To be honest, it has been a very manageable experience. I've learned there is a language I need to use in order to navigate most restaurants, bistros, cafes, fruit stands, food carts, lunchrooms, sandwich shops, bakeries, coffee shops, diners, drive-ins, picnics, bake sales, and lean-tos. In this society of ours, the only thing worse than a dining customer who is annoyingly picky is one who can't eat a very specific yet commonly used food ingredient.

Example: When I go to an eatery, I find that I usually get a negative response when I ask, "Do you buy this shit in bulk?" or "What's in this crap?"

So I use a delicate maneuvering of the English language and usually end up with something more like, "Hey, this looks good... Do you make this in-house?" If the waiter is at all interested in his job he usually volunteers way too much information along the lines of, "Sure, we make all our sauces/cookies/salsa here in the kitchen."

That's all I need to know. If they make the salsa in-house, they probably don't have a vat of enzymes just ready to churn out fructose from a sucrose base AKA no HFCS. If they don't say what I need to hear, I can at least avoid the issue and get a club sandwich or something.

The Tiers of Fandom: College Edition

I am a graduate of Michigan State University. I follow Spartan sports as much as I can. I'm not shy about any of this, so I wear a lot of green and white.

This past week, while wearing The Only Colors, I interacted with a dude who was wearing hat featuring the University of Michigan. The two schools happen to be playing each other, so the dude had some gentle ribbing to give me. I took it in stride and actually had fun with it. Then came the following exchange:

Dude: Well, we're rivals. What do you expect?

Me: Yeah. When did you graduate?

Dude: ...

U of M is just a team this dude cheers for. That's all fine and good, but that also means that we are not rivals. Why? I'll explain.

When I was a high school kid, I wanted to go to college. Specifically, I wanted a university with a Big Ten football program. I had grown up watching it and I wanted the experience just as much as a good education. I worked my ass off to meet the admission requirements for both MSU and U of M, in addition to a host of back-up schools. In the end, I ended up going to MSU, which was an excellent decision.

Once I made it in, I worked my ass off to get two degrees. I took the time to experience MSU's academic, social, and athletic offerings. I tailgated. I pulled all-nighters. I partied. I watched the riots. I wrote pages and pages of essays and took hours of exams. I went to every single home football game and stayed until the end. I put in 4(+) years of blood, sweat, tears, and time. That is why I can call myself a Spartan. If you did the same at the University of Michigan, you can call yourself a Wolverine.

Being a Spartan means I am permanently attached to MSU for richer or poorer. I am a Spartan whether we are 11-1 or 4-8. I am a Spartan when we discover a new cancer drug and when we secretly spy on student organizations. I am a Spartan when we fire coaches, hire new department chairs, make budget cuts, and build new labratories. I have made a commitment that cannot be taken back and will never be taken away.

If you did not make this commitment, you are neither a Spartan nor a Wolverine. If you just choose a school and decided to cheer for it, good for you. That does not make you the same. I don't care if your father went to the school, or your mother, sister, brother, second cousin, etc... You did not. For whatever reason in your control or not, you could not/would not/did not attend. You did not put the time or the work in. Be happy when they win and sad when they lose, but do not think that you are my rival. You are in a lower tier of fandom.

Hey, I understand. I have a lot of family that went to Florida. I cheer for the Gators on TV and like when they win. But I am not a Gator. I will probably never be. Not everyone can be. That is why it is valued.

So call me an elitist jerk. I don't care. In fact, if you're a Wolverine, you can call me pretty much all the stereotypes you know and I'll do it right back. That's pretty much what rivals do. If you're like that dude, be the biggest and best fan you want to be. But don't call me a rival and don't expect me to think we are the same. I am a Spartan. We are not the same.

CHALLENGE UPDATE: Day 12

Looks like milk, but they're actually just pouring straight sugar. Enjoy!

Reach into the pantry for a breakfast bowl. Meijer off brand Raisin Bran. High Fructose Corn Syrup.

Excitedly awaiting a single serving of Yoplait yogurt. High Fructose Corn Syrup.

Someone is handing out delicious birthday cupcakes and has saved one for you. High Fructose Corn Syrup.

HFCS is like a Herpes flare up at the most inconvenient time... so I'm told. While I have started out strong and Wife has kept vigilant, HFCS keeps flaring up. I'm beginning to think people are purposely putting it in their food now just to make life difficult.

I think the most deceptive is my morning cereal regimen. Those who have been around me in the morning know I don't like talking, moving, breathing, or thinking before cereal. If I could figure out a way to do my morning pee and eat at the same time so I wouldn't waste precious seconds before breakfast, I would. Certainly, the last thing I want to discover is that the cereal I'm about to eat is something I can't eat. So, I've loaded the pantry with safe cereals. As it turns out, they were the opposite of what I was expecting.

Here's a fun quiz. If you had Kellogg's Frosted Flakes and Kellogg's Low Fat Granola with Raisins on your shelf and you had to choose the one with no HFCS, which one would it be? If you chose Granola, you are terrible at this. Seriously, see for yourself. Frosted Flakes, Froot Loops, Corn Pops, and Honey Smacks all have no HFCS. That's not to say there is no sugar; sugar is actually the main ingredient of most of these cereals. But processed high fructose sweetener is absent from these products. Now compare that to the other side: Raisin Bran, the aforementioned Granola with Raisins, regular Granola, and freaking SMART START. What kills me is the Granola with Raisins, which is a cereal that already has a prominent fruit in it and still needs a fruit sugar substitute! WTF?!

And those damn Oreos are STILL THERE.

Surprise, Surprise.

I had designs to show Wife a good time at one of the nicer restaurants in town. We had spent the better part of the last two weeks merely sleeping next to one another. I haven't seen her awake in quite a while. So when Wife hit a professional milestone at work and my weekend schedule opened up, it seemed like the perfect time to enjoy the finer foods in life. As it turned out, Wife had other plans. She insisted on going to Aubree's, the pizza joint/sports bar. Not crappy at all, but when you're taking your wife out to dinner - a fancy, schmancy, celebrate something dinner - you usually don't expect to take her to a pizza joint/sports bar. Then she drops the real bomb: she's got some friends meeting us there.

Now would be a good time to mention we don't "swing." The idea of a romantic dinner with friends is lost on me. So I expressed my reservations eloquently through a series of frustrated sighs. I think she purposely ignored them.

At this point, the only saving grace of the night was that since we were going to a pizza joint/sports bar I would be able to see game one of the ALCS (Tigers v. Rangers). I figured I should just take what I can get at this point.

So Wife dragged me in to Aubree's and revealed her friend(s) already had a table way in the back. In the dark. Far away from the pretty TVs showing America's Pastime. She drags me into the back lounge and I'm just about to inform her of her egregious offenses to our romantic evening when the lights come on and everyone else yells "SURPRISE!"

Totally got me.

CHALLENGE UPDATE: Day 2

Stare into the face of evil.

The Oreos are taunting me. Every single freakin' time I walk into the kitchen, I hear their Siren song. Every time I open the pantry door, the evil bag is staring at me. "Just one," It says, "It'll make you fell goooood."

I usually scream 'NOOOOOOOOOOO!" at this point and hide under my papasan chair. It wasn't until just now that I figured out that papasan did not contain an "i," but no time for distractions right now. I am in a battle of wills.

Oreos are really the second major obstacle to my Non High Fructose Corn Syrup diet. I had already been denied with my ketchup. I would have been okay with just that revelation had Wife not felt it was her appointed duty to start checking everything I could immediately eat from that point on. It turns out she quite enjoys the fact that Man's greatest food invention is also on the forbidden list. I am not so amused. I can't tell if I want an Oreo because I want an Oreo, or if I want an Oreo because I can't have it. Grr.

I did have to do my first research Wednesday night. It was eleven at night and I hadn't eaten dinner yet. I was looking at a long drive home from the relatively small town where I work, which meant my options were limited to Taco Bell or nothing at all. I was just about the pull in when I realized I had no idea what was in these burritos (which, sadly, had never stopped me before). I had to turn around and drive back to work, fire up a computer, surf to the Taco Bell website, and find out exactly what I would be eating. Most of what I saw I couldn't pronounce, but as long as I stayed away from the empenada and most of the sauces, I would be fine. I went Fresco that night.

Conclusion: If you want a regular meal, you are probably going to be fine. If you want something fun and sweet, however, you are probably going to be disappointed.

...And my evil Oreo voice sounds like Christopher Walken from The Prophecy.

CHALLENGE: High Fructose Corn Sacrifice

Nobody seems to know what High Fructose Corn Syrup is. The word "corn" is a dead giveaway that it has something to do with maize. Syrup is probably indicative of a pancake-condiment-like consistency. But when you put all the words together, they appear to take on a whole life of their own. The only thing people seem to know is that it's bad for you... or good for you, depending on what people think they know.

What is HFCS? It's a manufactured sweetener. It basically is milled and processed corn that is turned into starch, then corn syrup, then given a little enzyme party that turns almost half of that corn syrup (almost all glucose) into fructose. Fructose is the sugar molecule associated commonly with fruits and is what most food companies add to their product to make it taste better.

Now that your eyes have melted into your skull from boredom, here's a diagram I made for you in MS Paint to explain the process:

Science!

Is HFCS bad for you? There is some research that seems to link steady consumption of HFCS to a number of health issues, including obesity. Those on the other side will point out that there is no conclusive link that HFCS is the main cause of any of this.

Whether it is good or bad is not the point of this challenge. The thing I've noticed is that it is in EVERYTHING. Can something like this - that is "fine in moderation" - be taken in moderately when it is nearly unavoidable? How much do I normally take in? Can I stop? Will it even make a difference?

THE CHALLENGE:
Avoid all High Fructose Corn Syrup for 30 days. A day for each year of my life. My wife will be the observer and auditor.

RULES:
1. Absolutely no HFCS products, including condiments and dressings
2. All days are consecutive
3. If eating out at a place that doesn't make all food in-house (bars, fast food) I must know ahead of time. If I don't know ahead of time, I have to assume that foods that could have HFCS WILL have it. Asking is allowed.

START DATE: October 4th, 2011 7:00pm
ESTIMATED END DATE: November 3rd, 7:00pm

My first meal tonight HFCS free was going very well. Wife and I were aiming for some Kroger brand Shells and Cheese with vegetarian hot dogs. Not a usual meal, but some classic comfort foods perfect for the start of fall. Checked the shells and cheese: clean. Checked the hot dogs: clean. So I sat down to eat and grabbed the ketchup...

Ketchup: HFCS, third ingredient.

Dry hot dog. Nice.

Also, the buns were stale. Not that I could have eaten those anyway (HFCS). This is going to be annoying.

A Good Start?

I've been considering how exactly to kick this blog off. I guess my biggest fear is that I won't really have that much to say. After all, I've read a lot of blogs that are pretty bad. It does seem rather easy to suck at this. I'm not expecting to get everything correct right out of the gate. However, it would be nice to look back at these first posts and not rage vomit over the keyboard.

I am well aware that some aspects of being thirty are just not blog-worthy. So, what is worth blogging about? I could have made this a very focused blog about sports, or beer, or theatre (note: as I write this, spellcheck is alerting me that I am using the very un-American spelling of "Theatre" v the far more freedom-loving version "theatER"), or any one thing I feel pretty strongly about.

But I don't really care about one of those things. I should rephrase that: I don't just care about one thing. So, unless I want to start ten different blogs, I figured I would try to keep this blog rather open so I can fully encompass my Third Decade Experience (TDE). I will probably touch on all those things above in some way or another and I'll eventually figure out what is truly worth the writing as I go on.

To speed the learning curve and stave off boredom, I developed a structure to my madness. As I mentioned in my first post, I'm going to challenge myself for a predetermined time in a variety of ways. I figure this will give an overall structure and drive to keep this page from getting too scattered and boring. I would even invite some of you to think of new and devious ways to push this old body, mind, and spirit to the limit. The first one is going to be food related. It's not about losing weight. Stay tuned.

I am going to set up some ground rules for basic blogging. I done some great research (on the internet) and I've felt I've learned a trick or two. Also, I've ignored a lot of their advice.

1. I'm won't go back and change old posts. I can edit before I post, but not after. If there is an update to what I have written, I'll post another post. If I err, then I should learn from my mistakes. God help me if my grammar is terrible.

2. I will post as regularly as I can.

3. There shall be content. I won't post something just to let you know I'm alive.

4. I won't use anybody's name unless they say so. Public figures exempted.

5. I won't lie.

That's it. I'm getting ready to gear this thing up in the next couple days with the first real challenge. I am thirty, after all. It's time to light this candle.